Decisions

A part of everyone's life, right? Even a baby has to choose somethings.

The mug or the cell phone?

Those who know me well, remember I had an extremely hard time being content with what I decided to study in college. I started on the path of elementary education and felt that I couldn't turn back. Which was a stupid assumption, but there's the logic of an 18-year-old. I railed against it, was bitter for several semester, and vowed that I would never teach. I didn't like it; I didn't want to.

But circumstances change and in the midst of medical school debt and poverty, I decided to actually use what my degree was for. Not for lack of trying other options. It's amazing how little a professional book reader makes. 

Teaching was hard, harder than anything I had ever done. But it wasn't the difficulty that dissuaded me. I, myself, did not see the value and the worth of what I was doing. It was downplayed and discredited by so many individuals in and out of my personal life. If I really wanted to make a difference, I should have become a neurosurgeon and saved people's lives. Or I should have become a social worker to help the poor and needy. Or a business woman and taken corporate America by the reins and ridden off into destiny! Any number of possibilites would flash before my eyes. But as C.S. Lewis says, "No one is ever told what would have happened."

And yet, I found myself becoming a teacher. And what was more, I began to enjoy it. I loved my little room that I worked so hard to clean, organize, and decorate. I loved my "space theme" with posters, signs, and banners. I loved greeting my students on the first day of school in my NASA outfit.

And my students. It was amazing how they were placed into my classroom arbitrarily, but would permanently impact my life. It may sound trite and obvious to say, but I'll miss them the most. But I discovered wonderful things about myself as I taught. One of them was that teaching was a worthwhile profession. One that deserved to be done well. With joy...and creativity...and love.

I've decided to stay home with my daughter. It's the right decision and I am happy about it. But I'll miss my little classroom. I've been cleaning it out the last few weeks. I've seen posters, files, and lessons I worked so hard for end up in the trash. And it's kind of like a part of me got thrown away too. 

But I am happy with this new decision. And I think Lissie is as well.

She decided on the cell phone.