I have spent the past few months waiting. And the more I look at it, not just the past few months, but few years. Maybe even a lot of years.
I've been waiting for things to happen so that I can (fill in the blank.)
I've waited for David.
I've waited for David to get home so that I can take a shower, do the dishes, lie down, rest my arms, relax, be happy. I've waited for David to have a day off so I can go do the shopping, or sleep in, or read something I want to read. I've waited for David to have vacation time so I could have a break, go somewhere, be together as a family. I've waited for David to be done with intern year so he'll have a better schedule, so I can have more help, so we can be sane again. I've waited for David.
I've waited for Lissie.
I've waited for Lissie to go to sleep so that I can take a shower, make dinner, go to sleep. I've waited for Lissie to wake up so that I can go to the grocery store, go outside, clean the bathroom. I've waited for Lissie to grow past one month, so she can maybe sleep through the night (ha.) For her to grow to four months, so she's out of the colicky stage. For her to grow to five months so she can move around more. For her to grow to six months so she can sit up on her own. I've waited for Lissie.
And I've waited for myself.
I've waited to get more sleep before I do something. I've waited until I feel more on top of my life. I've waited until I was finished working. I've waited until I have kids. I've waited until I finish my masters. I've waited.
It hit me the other day while I was doing laundry that I should probably stop waiting. I've been wasting time that I could be happy and content. Sure, not every day is full of glamor and joy. Most days are just ho-hum. But does that mean I should wait them out? Because usually when the time awaited for arrives, it's either anti-climactic, not what I expected, or it doesn't come at all. And then what? What am I left with? The time that I waited.
6 comments:
This is sooo true! It's easy to catch the "waiting" bug. I too keep waiting for a less chaotic time when I'll suddenly have time for everything I want to do, get sleep, and feel calm. The crazy thing is life keeps happening! Your blog posting reminded me of Elder Wirthlin's "Come What May and Love It" talk. Thank you for your thoughts!
I needed to read this today. Thank you. I've been waiting, too, for many things (Travis in particular) and that just causes resentment, pain, discouragement, frustration. So how to change the outlook (since I can't change the circumstance)? One of life's mysteries.
Amen and Amen!
Honestly, you know I know how you feel. About the time I had Clark, I realized our family life would go on and whether I was waiting for life or not, our kids wouldn't. I think maybe that's part of the beauty of our children growing is forcing us to see that we can't wait for life, because it's going on now and golly, they're growing and changed before we soak it all up! But all around, it is just so hard to not wait and wish for something...else.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I tend to do the same thing, but I try to remember Pres. Monson's talk several years ago (back when he was still the first counselor) and he said we should learn from the past, plan for the future, and live for today. I'm not very good at it, but I am trying. :0)
You know I am a world-class waiter. Not the kind you find in restaurants. But I have realized after the last 10 years of different waiting games (many of them also dependent on husbands and children) that the waiting does end and that the next chapter begins, but then you have to start waiting all over again for something else. There is always something to wait for.
Post a Comment